On A Personal Note: My Bullying Story

I thought it was about time I did a slightly personal post, so that you could hear a bit about the blogger behind the blog (if you're interested at all!). I thought I'd share something very personal with you all just because I feel like this is a important thing to talk about especially as so many people go through it. 

I've always hated the words 'bully' and 'bullying' because I think it's such a general term, and I don't really believe that there are 'bullies' and 'good people.' Perhaps that's naive of me, but it's always been what I've thought. 

When I was about six or seven years old (I can't really remember what age I was), I started getting picked on by one guy, for how I looked. It was the usual 'You look like a boy' and 'You're so ugly' type of thing. Then it turned a little worse. He made up a rumour that I had a disease, not surprisingly he called it 'Victoria Disease.' So if you went near me, played with me or talked to me then you'd catch it and as a result you'd become as hideous and as ugly as me. This led to a lot of people dodging me in the hallways, and I remember just feeling completely alone. Even the girls wouldn't play with me as they always had the age old excuse, 'Sorry, there are too many of us.' 

That really means: 'We don't want to play with You. 

As you can imagine, this really crushed my confidence and gave me a really bad body and self image. The young girl I was, who loved to dance and do theatre was suddenly too scared to be judged and too disgusted with myself. I turned from confident and carefree, to shy and nervous. I grew up early. 

When it was playtime, I'd always run around the playground so no one could notice I was alone because actually more than anything at that age, I was afraid of my parents finding out that I was a loner and that I didn't really have friends at all. 

That's something that a lot of people don't really get, part of the fear of telling someone that you're being bullied is that you're ashamed of yourself. It's hard to admit it as you see yourself as the problem. 

But luckily for me, the bullying only lasted (properly) for a couple of years and then I met my then and now best friend, Yasmina. This was one of the most pivotal moments in my life, as the new girl at my school didn't care how cool I was or if I was being bullied. She gave me a chance, she talked to me and from that moment on she's been like family. Perhaps she warmed to me because she was a bit different too, a 'tom boy goth type' and I was a shy 'wears too much pink type.' We were really complete opposites. 

The insecurities still continued, even now I hate how I look, I hate letting people take pictures of me and the majority of the pictures of myself are in black and white. I struggle with my body image, even if I'm only a normal UK size 8/10, I find it hard to love the body I'm in. 

When I went to secondary school, I was a very anxious and scared person, and I'd constantly have panic attacks, no one knew what was wrong with me. In my second year though I started to make friends, and since then I've been really happy. I have lovely friends, and a great boyfriend and I really can't complain. The younger me, would never have imagined I could be this happy, not in a million years. 

I guess my point is that things get better, even if it's hard to forget the mean things that have been said about you. Ultimately being bullied was my biggest life lesson. I learnt what it felt like to be hurt, and as a result I try my hardest to be kind to people and not to judge them. We all say things we regret, but the important thing is to remember that we can always apologise and make up for it, because sometimes even the smallest things can crush someone's confidence. 

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through it all), feel free to comment below. Have a great day!