The Single Girl Diaries | Happy Forever Alone Day

Hello Lovelies! Guess who bought themselves chocolates? *Slowly raises hand* I even nearly bought myself flowers but my dad beat me to it, and got me some lovely pink roses which shows two things: one my dad is super pessimistic about my love life and two my dad is total dad goals. Biggest sweetheart ever. All pretty good right? Well... Guess who got a cold? Me. A really attractive one too, YESSSS! And of course my Valentine's Day also looks pretty much just like this:

(I feel you Ralph)

But honestly compared to last Valentine's Day, I could not be happier. Last Valentine's was the worst, and here's why.

Last Valentine's I was a complete and utter mess. I'd lost nearly a stone, and was just not over my breakup even though it had been ages. I was hung up by the fact that I'd had the 'perfect boyfriend' and lost him. He was the type of guy who gave me flowers, did all these big romantic gestures and on the surface seemed like the best boyfriend ever. In fact people told me how amazing he was all the time, and I just believed it. 

But here's the thing, all these signs of love, all the romance, it was always so insincere. When he did something nice, he expected me to tell all my friends, boast about it on social media, and constantly thank him. And if I didn't he'd bring up what a great boyfriend he was all the time, and ask if all my friends knew yet. 

It was always a case of look how great I am, and how you don't compare. He'd constantly tell me I wasn't doing enough, and that I was a bad girlfriend and when I told him to go easy on the grand gestures and gifting, he'd just get angry because he didn't want to change who he was. It was tiring, and I just never felt good enough. And even though I did want to try and meet his expectations, I didn't want to do all these things that felt so insincere to me.  It just felt wrong, forced and ultimately not even an expression of love at all. 

There were several occasions where he would make a point of listing things that he didn't like about me and how I could change. This ranged from how I dressed, right down to my humour. It felt like he was trying to mould me into the 'perfect girlfriend' so I could fit into this perfect couple he'd imagined us to be. And it made me realise, that all these flowers and all these gifts weren't about me.

It was all about him.

And ultimately when Valentine's Day did come around, he ended up messaging me and we skype called. I was at my lowest point, I felt awful, looked so sick and was desperate. But rather than helping me up, he ended up bringing me a hell of a way down. He mocked me for the weight I lost, and said I looked flat chested and just generally awful. And I guess that was the first time I realised the way he treated me was wrong. It wasn't love, at all.

Why I'm telling you this, is because this Valentine's Day it really shouldn't be all about the chocolates and flowers, that is really not something to aspire to. Your 'Valentine's Day' goals should be to be with someone who loves you for you, and makes you see that. Or in my case, being happy as I am and single. Because as I am today, I am a much happier person and I actually like myself, which is something I cannot say of myself this time last year. See the things is it's much better to be alone, then trapped in something like that so honestly I find myself happy this Valentine's. After all when it comes down to it, it is all just one materialistic holiday anyway and if you don't want it to mean anything, it doesn't.

On a much lighter note, I promised I would tell you all who my 'rush hour crush' is in today's post and it is 

*big drumroll* 

Mac and Cheese Guy!

He just so happens to also be what I assume is my only male reader of The Single Girl Diaries, so I can't really say that much about him - but do say hi to him in the comments, as I'm sure he'll read them.

And for one last little treat, as it's Valentine's, I'll say something really cringey/cheesy...

Mac and Cheese Guy, Will you be my Valentine?

Thought of the Day: 'It's far better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.' - Marilyn Monroe

Man Crush: Rupert Penry-Jones as Captain Wentworth in Persuasion *swoons*. Nearly on the same level as Mr Darcy, God I'm such an Austen nerd...

Perk of being single: You don't need to spend money on someone else's Valentine's day present, go treat yourself (I did).

Thank you for reading lovelies! Join me next Sunday 12PM for another page in my diary!

P.S If Valentine's Day is really getting you down or you just want to rant about how forever alone you are, go ahead and tweet me @vvnightingale and we can have a chat. Heck, go ahead and tweet me even if you are happy and loved up in a relationship, BASICALLY I JUST WANT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND. Till next time, Lovelies.

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