The Single Girl Diaries | Learning To Love Myself

Hello Lovelies! If there is one piece of advice I always used to hate it was: 'You have to love yourself before someone can love you.' Loving myself seemed like this weird foreign concept. In fact, the whole idea of it intimidated me. Because really it was scary to me, thinking perhaps if I didn't reach that point where I truly loved myself no one ever would. 

But I guess now things have changed, because it's a piece of advice that I value now, albeit somewhat tentatively. The thing is I reached this point in my life where I started to question just why I was so hard on myself. Time and time again, I'd beat myself up over the littlest things whilst with others I'd always strive to see the best in them, even if they couldn't see it in themselves. That's the thing, I have so much love in my heart but none of it was going towards myself. I'd just become my own personal punching bag. 

If we're going to be deep here, one of the major things I'd always feared and still do really is not being able to fulfil personal roles. Take being a Mother for instance. One of my exes told me that I would be a bad mother, and stupidly it's something I really took to heart because I always felt like if there was anything, I'd be good at that. Then there's being a girlfriend. When I think about it logically, I always reckon I'd be a good girlfriend because I'm loving and loyal but whenever I'm faced with someone I like, I always feel the need to try and put them off by flagging up why they shouldn't date me. I know what you're thinking, great flirting tactics Vicky... #vickylogic

See I have this fear that I won't be good enough, which honestly makes the whole dating process stressful as hell for me. My biggest fear is that if I don't warn guys away from me, they'll come to resent me or pick up on all the things that are wrong with me anyway. But I guess a lot of this has to do with my past, and my pretty awful track record with guys. There's actually a running joke with my friends that every guy I date (or even go on one date with) is either turned crazy or in to a jerk by me. That is how bad my track record is. And you see the thing is, I am yet to stop blaming myself for all the bad things that have happened in my past even though it wasn't so much me, as the guys I was with. Deep down I know I have a lot to offer, maybe I'm just scared to admit it. Because really I know I could be an amazing girlfriend. 

And then we have friendships, which is a part of my life I can confidently say I'm good at. See if there's anything I love about myself, it's the fact that I'm a good friend. It's just something I find easy, and not really because I'm particularly funny or anything like that. Truth is I don't get bored of people very easily at all, and I like being in people's lives for the long run. I love being the person people come to when they're happy, and I love being someone who'll be there for you no matter how many times you need to cry on my shoulder. Me in friendships is like an annoying loyal dog, I'm just not going anywhere. 

And then there's things like body image, that I am sure pretty much everyone struggles with because of the dreaded 'C' word, Comparison. For the longest time I was always fixated on this idea that I was really ugly and really overweight. It got to a stupid point where I'd look at girls who were bigger sizes than me, and I'd completely love how they looked but still I'd see myself and think fat, fat, fat which I can honestly say I've never thought about other people. But this is one of the biggest things that has changed in me, I stopped fixating on my weight and it felt like the biggest weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I stopped looking at group photos and comparing the size of my thighs to other girls, I stopped obsessively staring in the mirror to see if my stomach looked flat... I just stopped comparing myself, and learned to love my body for what it is. Sure I still have my bad days, but I realised my weight and how I look are such insignificant parts of who I really am that I should just accept them as they are. And God knows, I am so much happier for it. 

See life is too short not to at least try and attempt to love parts of yourself. As my favourite sassy man of the past, Oscar Wilde would say, 'Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.' Ironically I may not be able to tell my self this that confidently, but I can say to anyone reading this that you shouldn't change who you are. You've got your own unique personality, and so much to offer so don't change yourself. And if there are people in your life who put you down for who you are, don't listen to it, in fact don't even notice it because you should just be you, that's all you can really do. 

Oh and one last thing, to the guy who's been making me smile all week, thanks you.

Thought of the day: 'Why change? Everyone has his own style. When you have found it, you should stick to it.' - Audrey Hepburn

Man Crush: Pewdiepie, because I just laugh cried at his latest video. I can't even.

Perk of being single: Having some time to work on yourself, because hey loving yourself is actually possible.

Thanks for reading lovelies! Come back next Sunday, 12pm for another page of my diary!

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